Party for the Last Time
Story time. One day, I envisioned myself buying a cupcake, putting a candle on it, and blowing it out. It wasn't my birthday, I wasn't really celebrating something special, but what I was doing was something I had longed to do for a while.
See folks, I was throwing my last "Pity Party" and had to blow my candles out. I was tired of being too sad, all the damn time; tired of telling the same story. The same story about how my then boyfriend was cheating on me in plain sight, and when people would ask "what is the matter?" I would always tell them the same story. I was tired of talking about my overthinking ways and how the smallest things gave me anxiety or upset me, or how I couldn't pass some class I needed for my degree, whatever it was. I was tired of talking. Most importantly I was tired of being at the same pity party, a.k.a. my own pity party.
I vowed to cry for the last time for the things I had cried for, for too many times. I was “baptizing” myself from my old woes. Listen, I get it, it’s ok to cry (I’m a Libra, I’m sensitive, & cry about whatever. The other day I cried over spilled milk, literally; I spilled the milk I had spent 30 minutes pumping for my daughter, see! But that’s a story for another time.) Anyway, I had decided to no longer cry repeatedly over the same thing(s).
What the hell you talking about Cecilia, well here’s where I’m getting at, some of yal are at the same party for too long. The music is getting played out, your feet hurt, everybody gone, the DJ keeps announcing last song, but nooooooo you still wanna dance to the same tune. I had to get my shit together. I’m not saying it was easy but I remember committing to the work of healing. I feel like I’m being mean, but in all honesty, if I hadn’t had the friends to point out to me that “sistah girl you’re not yourself”, I’d still be in the party during different phases of my life.
So what does doing the work mean? It means no longer allowing hurt to consume all of your being, it often means actively and being conscious about the words you speak to yourself and to others about your circumstances. Limit yourself to two people whom you vent to about one situation, eventually you’ll realize some things aren’t even worth for everybody to hear. Honestly. So although being told you just want pity or that you’re having a pity party may sound insensitive, it’s a means to get you to do your healing work. Healing is important. Healing is continuous. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it requires that you work. It requires that you demand it; afterall, you’re deserving of it.
Queens and Kings.