The ability to heal myself came in the form of a heartbreak in college.
It wasn't my first, nor was it my last heartbreak, but what hurt the most about this heartbreak was that it was a humiliating heartbreak. You know, the one when everyone knows but you kind of heartbreak. The one where you're competing with someone that doesn't even match your beautifulness. No, not because they are ugly or anything, but because they are so beautiful also that there shouldn't be competition. I'm the kind of girl who is like "hey girl, lets be beautiful together". Like how they say lighting someone else's candle does not dim yours.
What I came to know about this heartbreak that I had to heal from was that it wasn't the fault of the parties involved that I was heartbroken, I was heartbroken because "I was broken". I hope that makes sense.
Let me explain, briefly, I'm going somewhere with this trust me. I was in a relationship where I was getting cheated on, knew I was getting cheated on, but played the "I forgive you lets make up game" just to have the upper hand of well he's mine. Ladies we've all been there. If you haven't great for you.
So anyway, I found the strength to walk away, and to heal I knew I had to stop comparing my relationship with that of my friends'; I had to stop talking about it for attention- what I mean is you know when you repeatedly talk about something knowing the reaction is the same, or when you talk about it so you can hear other people talk down on the offender. I just stopped.
I became ok with not being ok.
I became more involved with the things I loved the most. or things I did not even know I loved but came to love.
Like long distance running and painting.
I prayed more.
I meditated even more.
I wrote more.
I went to Bible studies.
I found me.
and I healed that me that I had come to know.
It was a self-healing journey that seemed to be moving slow, but it was exhilarating.
I allowed time to take its time to heal my wounds.
My self-healing journey did not end there, for self-healing is an ongoing practice; but it began there.
I began resurfacing the things I had swept under a rug and brought them to light just to heal in those areas.
Suddenly, I had triggered my ability to heal myself.